NOTE: I wrote this a while back and wasn't sure if I should post it or not. Given the events of the last few weeks, I thought it was even more relevant. So, here we go...
Today, I'm going to go on a bit of a rant. I apologize in advance.
Lately, I've been watching some videos about gatekeeping in table top gaming. And I'm a little bit angry. Okay, more than a little bit angry. But, I'm going to tell you about my gaming experience through the years before I get to the topic at hand.
When I first started gaming, way back in the mid-90's in middle school, I played with a bunch of white guys. Now, part of that is because I'm from the whitest city. No joke. Of course, that's because of racism in the past. Something that I have no control over. As I grew older, I came to understand that and I understood what it was and what it meant. There was institutionalized racism in the city. Make no mistake about that. There's no getting around that and that shaped my world view when I was younger, but I've tried to understand that's not right and to be better than those who came before me.
Ahem. Back to my point. I was a nerd in school. I was one of those fat, white kids. I even had braces and glasses. Thankfully, I didn't have bad acne. Just imagine being that in school in the 90's. It wasn't fun. I've got stories that would curl your toes. So, for me, RPGs were kind of a safe haven. I could be strong and powerful, I could save the day, I could get the girl and live happily ever after. It was a place to escape the harshness of my reality. And, for many of the people I gamed with, they were in the same boat. We were nerds. We were outcasts. We were the people that nobody liked. Hell, I didn't even like some of them and they felt the same way about me.
When I entered high school, which was a much different environment than middle school, and probably saved my life, I linked up with a new group of nerds. We had fun and played games. And we weren't total social outcasts. In fact, our group started to grow over the years. The more interesting thing was that we weren't all dudes. Sure, we were mostly dudes, but we had some girls in our group, too. The big game, which I didn't join until the last year or two of high school, was run by one of our teachers. When I started, we had only a few of us who played, maybe five total. As the group started to expand (I think we had a dozen players by the end), we ended up with a fair share of female players. I want to say that a third of the group was female. Some of those were girlfriends of players. But, and my memory might be rose tinted, we didn't make a big deal out of it. They were part of the group. They might have been teased a bit for not knowing the rules at first, but I don't think it was because they were female. It was something all newbies had to deal with. I do admit that at that time, I did have a bit of a problem with girl gamers. Because I was bitter and angry and not in the right place mentally. However, I did know these girls and had to take a step back. I realized that I was wrong and corrected my behavior. I was by no means perfect, but I did change.
After high school, some of us kept playing as that DM went back to school had had some life changes. Our group was the DM and six players. Two of which were female. One I had known since high school and another I didn't know too well. I believe the her and her boyfriend were coworkers of the DM. Anyway, it wasn't that big of a deal that we had ladies in the group. They played and we all had fun. I do have to say that one of them (who was a friend for many years) was, for several years, wasn't that good at the game and only really played one character. But, she had a chance to grow and develop, and became a solid player. And you know what? We all started out like that. I had a type for many years (usually an anti-hero) that I would play in every game. And most of the people I started playing with had their own character they would play, just with a different face. It's how most people start out, doing the one thing they know or seem to enjoy the most.
Which brings me to my point today: Gatekeeping (don't ask me why, I just needed to get to the topic at hand). Don't bullshit yourself, it does exist. It might not exist in your game, with your group, but it does exist. I've seen it. Anything that's insular or not popular develops a “group think” and tends towards the homogeneous. For many nerds of my vintage, and older, we were told we were going to hell, we were bullied, we weren't allowed in polite society. So, we retreated to our little worlds. Not just role playing games, but video games, card games, and miniature games (to name just gaming things) became our fortresses. These were we found safety and comfort. Where we could have fun and live out our fantasies. And, when you're an “Other” it's easy to be turned against “Others” that aren't you. Toxic masculinity develops because when you can't get a date, it's easier to blame the girls rather than looking at your own faults. Plus, you can't avoid the culture you're living in, even if you're not truly part of it, so you manifest it in different ways. You might not be a six foot tall blonde, blue eyed barbarian, but you can play one in a game. I could go on, but I'll spare you.
I can understand, for some younger gamer that might be stumbling across this, they might not be able to relate. The world has changed over the last 30 years. Nerds are popular and big money (these two things are linked, in case you didn't notice) these days. Nerd things, once the haven of straight white male outcasts, is now very popular with people of every race, religion, color, nation, sexuality, gender, and so on. There are groups composed of all different folks, no matter where you go.
And there's going to be people who can't accept that. There's things that go around about how “girls weren't interest in D&D until it became popular, fucking hipster bitches.” Yeah, I've seen that. And I can understand why people say that. I don't agree with it, but I do understand it. There's a difference. When I see that or hear someone say it, I respond with something like “Are you sure? Did you ever ask the girls if they wanted to play?” And there's usually silence in response. I think many people would have played D&D and the like had they been offered the chance. And, thanks to the massive upswing in popularity of RPGs, they now feel like they have the chance.
How does this relate to running the game? Simple: If someone asks if they can play, don't disqualify them just because they're female. Or non-white. Or look like the guys who used to beat you up in high school. Now, I'm not saying that you have to let anyone and everyone join your game. Ask them questions, get a feel for them as a person. If they're totally new to RPGs, let them in if you're up for that. Personally, I can't play in games with newbies. I end up stomping all over them, verbally, and trying to take charge. Because I know what I'm doing. And that isn't fair to them, so I don't play with newbies. However, as a DM or GM, I'm much more forgiving. I can help them with stuff without being overbearing. I can sometimes jump in and be like “I don't think that's a good idea because...” And the dynamic is different. As a player, you're there for YOUR fun. When you're running the game, you're there for EVERYONE'S fun, not just your own. Does that make sense?
I don't say no to people who don't look like me. I've played with, and run games for, a whole bunch of different people over the years. Men, women, gay, straight, bi, white, brown, whatever. It doesn't make a difference to me. And it shouldn't matter to you, either. If role playing is important and fun for you, you should do your best to share that experience with others, especially those who haven't had the chance before. Don't call people “normies.” Just stop that shit. People are people. Players are players. New, old, long in the tooth, it shouldn't matter. If your players are saying stuff because someone is different, you shut that shit down hard and fast. If your players don't want to play with newbies, ask them to give them a chance. Don't let your older, more experienced players rag on the new ones. Try to get them to help them along. Nicely.
Pretty much, I don't care who you love, what you look like, what your sex is nor what your gender is, or who or what you worship. I just want to have a good time. If what I think is a good time and what you think a good time is, then you're welcome to join my table. It's that simple.
No comments:
Post a Comment