Blast From The Past: Deadlands (classic)

Welcome to a Spaghetti Western... With meat!

Who doesn't love a good Western? Okay, a lot of people. The genre is something of an acquired taste. I understand that. I've never been a huge fan of the Western. The older ones, the really old ones with singing cowboys and heroes in White Hats (that, by the way, is the origin of the phrase), are terrible to my modern sensibilities. The genre is hard to get into, but has a strange romance to it. There's something about that lone man with a gun and a mission that appeals to Americans. The times when things made a bit more sense. Or were more simple. It was a time of exploration and desperation. Of all the genres in media, the Western is the quintessential American genre. Except when they're mimicking Japanese Samurai epics. Seriously. Look that up.

Sister Mary doesn't mess around

But, many years ago, I stumble upon the Deadlands card game, Doomtown. My dad found a large box of the cards at a garage sale and thought I might like it. And, oh, did I. Eventually, I found out the card game (which will be reviewed in a Gone But Not Forgotten article before too long) was based on a RPG. After picking it up, I loved it. An original and interesting system, a new look at an Alternative History of the Civil War and the following Wild West era, and gave it a unique twist.

Since I love this game so much, you better hold on to your hats, cowpokes; this is going to be a long one. I couldn't hold myself back...

The system in the original books is a prototype of the current Savage Worlds system. If you're familiar with that, you're ahead of the class.

The basic mechanics of the system use a unique mix of playing cards and dice. Even to create your characters. You draw cards to get your stats, which generate points to buy Aptitudes, Edges, and get more from Hindrances. Instead of character classes, you buy the skills and advantages to make the kind of character you want. You can mix and match a bit. You could make a scientist that's also a bare-knuckle brawler. Or a gun fighter with mastery of historical poetry. It's really up to you.

As I mentioned, the system uses a mix of playing cards and dice and it starts with character creation. To build your character, you draw a dozen cards from a regular deck of cards (jokers in and Hoyle's strongly recommended). From those twelve, you select ten to keep. You convert the cards into a series of stats, with the cards' number telling you what type of die (d4, d6, d8, etc), while the suit of the card determines how many dice (2d6, 3d4, etc). Once you figure out what you have to work with, you have to assign them to your stats. As I'm sure you've figured out, there's ten stats, which are divided into “Corporeal” meaning the physical (Deftness, Nimbleness, Quickness, Strength, Vigor) and Mental (Cognition, Knowledge, Mien, Smarts, Spirit). When you're assigning those stats, you'll want to know what you want your character to do in the game. If you're looking to play a rough and tumble gunslinger, you'll be upping those Corporeal traits. If you want to play someone who can think his way around corners, you'll be upping the Mental stuff. One thing to know is that your points for skills are going to based on the die type of some of your Mental traits. Oh, and Spirit isn't a dump stat. Keep it at d6. At the very least.

Once you get done with your Traits, it's time to start working on your Edges and Hindrances. You can use the points you have for your skills to buy Edges, but I strongly suggest you just take some Hindrances to get some points. Edges are another way to focus your character, making him or him faster, more charismatic, Brawny, or you can select an Arcane Background (more on those later). Hindrances help you flesh out your character, is he Randy? Is he Wanted somewhere? Maybe he's Mean As A Rattler? Or could he be Loyal? Any points you don't use on Edges can be used on your skills, too. Nifty, huh?

Once you've got all this figured out, it's time to work on skills, or Aptitudes. While your Aptitudes are based on your Traits, you might be required to switch them around. Let me explain a bit. Let's say you want to do some “Shootin'” with a rifle. You put points into the Aptitude Shootin': Rifle, to a maximum of 5. Now, normally Shootin' is a Deftness Aptitude. If you have a Deftness of 2d6 (that's roughly human average by the way) and a Shootin' of 5, you'd roll 5d6. Your Trait determines the die type and the Aptitude rating determines how many dice you roll. Now, let's say you want to make a trick shot or something, so you'd have to use Cognition for it. If your Cognition is 1d8, you'd use 5d8 for the roll to see if you can figure out how to make the shot, then 5d6 to take the shot. Does that make sense?

If you're looking for more points, there's a great little Edge you can take. It's called Veteran of the Weird West. It costs you zero points and gives you 15 points to spend on your character. How cool is that? But, it comes at a cost. After you pick this Edge, your Marshal (the GM of the game) draws a card from a deck and compares it to a chart in the Marshal's Handbook and gets to mess up your character just a little bit. Isn't this fun?

Now, a little while ago, I mentioned “Arcane Backgrounds.” They're an edge you can take and there's a few of them. The folks who deal with devils are called Hucksters. Those “Practitioners of the New Science” (AKA mad scientists) have an Arcane Background. Native Shamans have their own. As do the servants of God, the Blessed. In addition to their Arcane Background, they also need to take a skill for their power. Each level in this skill lets them take a “spell” (except mad scientists). There's also source books for each one of these groups which give them new Edges to help focus their powers as well as give them a ton of new spells. If you want to play one of these, you really need to get these books, too.

Now, those are the Arcane Backgrounds in the core book, but there's a few more. In The Great Maze, they give you rules for the Chinese Fightin' Arts (Martial Arts to modern folks). In Bloody Ol' Muddy, there's rules for Voodooists. In Law Dogs, they introduced Shootists, which are a lot like Hucksters, but focus only on their guns. There's even rules for Anahuac Priests, and Aztec Priests. While powerful, these things are a point sink. Three points for the Arcane Background, up to five for the skill you need (Faith, Hexslinging, Ritual, etc), and more if you want to get Edges to make your magic user better. If you want to play one of these, you need to be really smart with those character points.

One of Hoyle's Hucksters. Pick a card... Any card.

Before I go on further, let's talk more about how the game works. First off all, you need at least two decks of cards to play: one for the posse (a “party” in other games) and one for the Marshal. When it comes to initiative, each member of the posse makes a roll. Then, you get cards based on your roll. The Marshal draws a few for the bad guys and then starts counting down from Ace and on down to Deuces, with the suit of the card figuring out who goes first if more that one person has a ten for example. If you draw a red joker, you get to go whenever you want. If the same card, the exact same card, is shown (as the Marshal is using his own deck) there's a roll off to see who goes first. If the posse draws the black joker, things suck for the player who drew it. In general, black jokers are bad news no matter what you're doing.

Another Huckster. Looks like he didn't draw a joker...

Now, let's talk about how you roll those dice. As you've seen, you get to roll multiple dice for any kind of roll. But, there's one big difference in how it works. When you're rolling for a stat, you roll all your dice and then take the HIGHEST of the dice. Let's say you've got 3d10 in Smarts and you're making a roll. You get a 5, a 2, and a 6, then your roll is 6. Got it? Good. When it comes to trying to figure out if you succeed or not, you're looking for a Target Number (or TN). Usually, the TN is 5, but it can go as low as 3 and as high as 13, odd numbers only. I hear you asking “How can you make a 5 if you're only rolling d4s?” Good question. The answer is “Exploding Dice.” Let's go back to our example. You roll your 3d10 and this time you get a 2, a 5, and a 10. Since you rolled the top number on the die, called an Ace, you get to roll another d10 and ADD it to the last one. So, let's say the second one is a 7. Now, your top die is a 17. Cool, right? It's important because you can also get a “Raise” on your roll. A raise is when you get 5 above the TN. If the TN is 9 and you get 14, you got a success and a raise. But, there is something that might confuse you. When it comes to damage, you add dice together, like you do in most other games (except if it's a stat check). So, if you pop off your Peacemaker, you roll 3d6 and add those three together. You know what's cool? Damage dice can explode, too. I've seen a Peacemaker do 30 damage thanks to that.

So, I'm sure you're wondering what happens when you do that damage, what it really does to folks. Unlike most games, like D&D for example, you don't have hit points. Instead, you have wounds and locations. And Wind for non-lethal and bleeding damage. The locations are your limbs (right and left arms and legs), your guts and you head. You can take up to five or six wounds in each location before it gets maimed. Of course, you can's exactly take a maiming wound to the head and keep breathing. Each level of wounds applies a negative modifier to your rolls and you have to see if you stop bleeding. Also, since this the 19^th century, if wounds to your limbs can mean you can lose them, even if you're able to get medical attention. Isn't this fun?

But, there's a way to not take damage at all, as well as boost your rolls. And get experience. Fate chips. That means poker chips. Because poker is big in this game. You can spend the fate chips the Marshal hands out to negate wounds, heal Wind damage, boost rolls in different ways, and use them for some spells. If you end the session without spending all of your chips, you can convert them into Bounty Points, which are the experience points in this game.

If you don't know how to play poker, you might just want to brush up before you play. Maybe you should buy yourself a copy of Hoyle's Book of Games...

I don't think she's interested, muchacho

When it comes to the setting, the game starts out in 1876 (by the time the “classic” system was shut down, it was 1879) and the Civil War is still going on. Before you ask how that could happen, there's a bit of back story you should know. On July 3^rd 1863, an event known as The Reckoning began. If you don't know your history, the Battle of Gettysburg was going on. One of the bloodiest battles in the war in a battle that would later prompt the famous Gettysburg Address. This is when the West got Weird. There were reports of the dead rising and eating the brains of their former comrades. There were other things that happened that day. The entire Union garrison in New Orleans was wiped out in a single night. Union ships on the Confederate blockade were attacked by mysterious monsters. People who had read Hoyle's Book of Games suddenly discovered a code that allowed them to tap into the Hunting Grounds and trick demons into giving them little boons of power. Indian (Native American) shamans were suddenly granted much more power from their nature spirits. This is why the war dragged on. Whenever there were large battles, things would get... Weird. This allowed the Confederacy to survive just long enough to free their slaves and get France and the United Kingdom to break the Union blockade. With the blockade over, the Confederacy has survived. Out west, things are much more complicated than they were in our time, not the least of which is what happened to California. In 1869, the western half of California fell into the Pacific ocean. As a native Oregonian, I laughed with wicked glee when I read this. Anyway... So, when the Great Quake happened, as the survivors found a mysterious mineral called Ghost Rock was found. It's a lot like coal, but better. It was also a key ingredient in gadgets that were being made by the purveyors of the New Science. Better known as “Mad Scientists.” With the magical boost given to them, the Native Americans used the distraction of the never-ending Civil War to take back some of their lands. The Sioux were able to reclaim most of Dakota territory and hold it. The Mormons also used the distraction of the conflict to declare neutrality and wait to see who was going to come out on top. To make matters even more “fun,” both the North and the South declared a race to what was left of California (now known as the Great Maze due to the pillars of land left behind by the Quake). Several folks jumped at the chance to win the prize. This being Deadlands, it quickly devolved into what's called the Great Rail Wars.

Now, let's take a minute to talk about the “Weird” in the Weird West. When the Reckoning started, a few odd things happened. In the deserts of the American West, critters known as “Rattlers” appeared. They're not called that because they're like rattle snakes. No, the “rattle” is from your teeth. They're gigantic worms that burrow under the ground and then pop up for a tasty snack (if you've seen Tremors, you have a rough idea how this works). Usually a cowpoke and his horse. While the most wildly known ones are the ones from the Mojave, there's some others lurking about, too. In the Great Maze, after the Great Quake, actual sea serpents turned up. The Chinese immigrants took to calling them Maze Dragons and the name stuck. There's also other weird things running around, rumors of werewolves, vampires, and other nasty things. I could go on, but I'd rather not spoil any surprises for anyone who might play the game... But, most people dismiss them as rumors. That's in part to the work of groups in the USA and the CSA. In the USA, the Pinkerton Detective Agency were hired by the Union government to keep things quiet. But, in 1877 or so, the government ended the contract and created the Special Services Agency. This new Agency hired some of the best and brightest from the Pinkertons, including the elusive head of the Western Bureau, a man known only as The Ghost. South of the Mason/Dixon line, the weirdness (and country wide law enforcement) is handed by the notorious Texas Rangers. The Rangers also act like the US Marshals for the CSA, which divides their attention. The Rangers and the Agency differ in methods, but have one common goal: Keep the weirdness out of the papers. Of course, there's one major newspaper that's working towards revealing the truth to the world, but most people think it's bunk. That would be the Tombstone Epitaph. To most folks, the Epitaph is entertaining to read but not to be believed. There's a lot of folks out there trying to report the truth, but they tend to vanish if they make too much of a ruckus about what they've seen. When you read the source books, the player's section is usually written in the form of one of those three groups (the Rangers, the Agency, or the Epitaph), so you want to remember them.

This is a cover for a Vampire: the Masquerade source book, it helped inspire Deadlands

Speaking of source books, there's some you really want to pick up. There's some for locations, such as City O' Gloom (Salt Lake City as we would know it), The Great Maze, and South O' The Border (Mexico of course). There's also books for Back East in the USA and the CSA. If you're thinking about running a game in or near a location, you should pick these up. If you're thinking about playing a Texas Ranger or a member of the Agency, there's books on those. The same goes for Hucksters, Shamans, and the Blessed. There's also a book called Hexarcana, which is a must-have for any Arcane Background. Why? Because they update all of the Arcane Backgrounds and give you a few more spells. One book everyone should get is Smith & Robards. The book is full of weird gadgets and alchemical creations, which anyone can use. These inventions vary from useful (things like Gattling rifles) to humorous (automatic flapjack maker anyone?) but it also gives your resident Mad Scientist an idea of what's already been done. Another one you need is The Quick & The Dead, which aren't always mutually exclusive in Deadlands, because it has all of the information on the setting. There's also helpful charts in the back for Marshals for random encounters for the road. There's also Tales O' Terror 1877, which updates the setting and some rules (which you don't need if you've bought the Player's Guide and the Marshal's Handbook). For Marshals, there's Rascals, Varmints and Critters one and two.

One cool thing is that the older source books have adventures in them, some focused on the Arcane Background for those books, but they're good for any posse you have.

There's so many source books, I honestly list them all, but you should take a look at them just in case.

Even after all of this, if you can't come up with what kind of character you want to play, there's Archetypes in the Player's Guide, as well as many others in each source book. You can also use them for inspiration for characters, too. The only problem with the Archetypes is that you don't get the ability to make awesome draws for your character and you might have to shift things around to make the character fit exactly what you want to play.

Whew... That was a long one. And I barely scratched the surface of this game. If you want more, such as details on the Arcane Backgrounds or locations in the Weird West, let me know. I wouldn't mind doing a whole series on this game. It's one of my favorites. Plus, the information is still mostly valid and relevant because there's Deadlands: Reloaded which continues the world but in the Savage Worlds system.

Let's Review: Evil Spares None

What is it?:

Evil Spares None is a cooperate horror board game that I helped Kickstart a few years ago.

The setting:

It's based on the typical “slasher flick” type movie we remember. You take on some high school students trying to get away from the slasher while trying to who's behind the mask. The victims, I mean students, are forced to flee , running through the town, passing by those killed by the Psycho and those yet to be killed. and collect evidence to discover who the killer is.

The system:

The system is a bit of a mess. At the start, you get 2-3 characters to start with. But, you can only activate one to begin with and hope you get the chance to put the rest in play. Or just activate them as your other characters die. During your turn, you get three actions with your characters, but you have to burn an action to switch to another character if you have more than one in play. Characters have a Health stat, a Combat stat, and Brains stat, in addition to a special Active ability and a special Stand-by ability. They seem to have a huge amount of variance between them and I haven't played enough to see how balanced they are.

In between player turns, the Psycho gets to move one space and draw cards. These cards usually let him move more, so he can catch up with you before you get a chance to even move your first character.

When it comes to drawing Action cards, you have to be in the right spot on the board to get the chance to draw them. And you need those Action cards. You also need to make it to the right spot to reach a Stranger before the Psycho gets there first. Strangers can become Townies, who you can sacrifice to save your own skin, or can become another Character. And, for even more fun, you need to reach the bits of Evidence left around so you can solve the mystery... And hopefully use it to survive when the Psycho comes calling.

When it comes to placing new parts of the board, you're suppose to do it randomly, but that's really hard when the tiles are double sided. Draw the wrong one, and everyone is fucked. Hard.

The one thing that goes smoothly is combat. It's simple dice rolling and comparing Combat stats between the Characters and the Psycho. Weapons and other Action cards can help the players, and Evidence and Townies can be “thrown at” the Psycho to avoid the combat. But, as the Psycho increases in power, he becomes harder and harder to defeat... Well, slow down, really, in combat.

As you play the game, there are a few score boards you have to keep track of. The first is the Stalk-O-Meter, which tracks who's the Target of the Psycho and who's going to be next. Being the Target is bad. Very bad. Then, there's a Psycho score board and a Player score board. The Psycho score moves up based on what the Psycho cards do. And some Psycho cards are conditional upon the Psycho score is. The Player's score moves up by finding Evidence and hurting the Psycho. Thankfully, it's pretty easy to get those all figured out.

Is it worth it?:

I hate to say it, but...

No.

I paid $25 for the game and I don't know if it's something I really want to play again. As one of my friends who played with me said “These rules are way more complex than they need to be.” That sums up my feelings. I think it could have used a bit more playtesting to simplify it. The idea is sound, but the execution was fumbled. Now, I do feel like I got a good amount for what I paid for, but I wouldn't have bought it blind like I did.

While I did have to put the game pieces together (which means putting stickers on things), I didn't mind that. My only real compliant was that the character pieces are wooden things with “Minecraft Avatar” versions of the characters. Why not just have a profile picture or just name instead? Minor, but not something that really sold me.

Blast From The Past: All Flesh Must Be Eaten

Welcome to the world of survival horror! Good luck!

Ah, zombies. What can be said about zombies that hasn't been said a million times over by now?

Honestly? Not much. But, in those early years of the zombie craze, a game named 'All Flesh Must Be Eaten' was published. And it was good.

All Flesh, or AFMBE, is a universal zombie system that covers all kinds of characters, genres, and types of zombies. It's a point-buy system, for both the zombies and the characters.

The system divides characters in the three different types: Normals, Survivors, and Inspired (later Powered or somesuch). This allowed the Zombie Master (ZM) to create the tone for his games right off the bat. Since Norms were the lowest in terms of points, they'd die quicker in games, thus really creating a sense of dread for the players. Survivor were more powerful, but that doesn't necessarily mean they could survive longer, depending on the zombies. Inspired/Powered provides some magical back-up for some settings. I haven't seen it done too much, but you can have characters of different types. I avoid it because people who play Norms are going to drop like flies, which can make for hard feelings. Inspired are some where between Norms and Survivors in terms of points (as they blow a lot of points for their powers), but can be added in to groups of either. A group just of Inspired would be interesting (and something I may investigate for a future campaign).

If you can't come up with a character, or yours died due to some bad rolls (this game isn't forgiving for characters at all), you can pick an Archtype. Because the game doesn't have classes, they created a solid list of Archtypes you can use in a pinch or for inspiration. They made so many, there's two whole books of them. There's Archtypes for cheerleaders, private detectives, bikers, Game Masters, rich people, poor people, urbanites, country boys, strippers, porn producers, necrophiliacs (ew, mega ew), soldiers, video stork clerks, cowboys, inventors, and anything else you can imagine.

Once you pick (or get assigned) your character type, you get to put points into stats. There's six of them in the game. The typical three physical: Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution. Then there's the mental ones: Intelligence, Perception, and Will. From these you get your derived stats, things like Life Points, Endurance Points, Speed, and Essence. Once you get your stats figured out, you move on to Qualities and Drawbacks. There's some Qualities you'd have to be stupid to not take (like Fast Reaction Time) and some that you know you're probably not going to need (stuff like Wealth and Resources). My real problem with the game comes here, as it's very easy to abuse the Qualities and Drawbacks if you know what kind of game you're going to be playing. And aside from the ones you abuse for points, there's not a lot of 'good' drawbacks. By that, I mean the ones that really help you flesh out your character and make them feel real, without crippling or hindering them.

Lastly, there's skills. And you're going to wish you had more points for them no matter what type of character you have. Since this is a D10 system (Stat + Skill + D10 = Results, pray for 9 or better), you really need those combat skills high to make sure you're going to be able to drop those zombies before they drop you. But, you won't be able to have a wide selection of those combat skills because each combat skill requires a new skill for each weapon. If that confused you, let me break it down like this: Let's say you want to be able to use shotguns and handguns. If you want them at level 3, that's going to cost you six points. Three for Handgun, three for Shotgun. If you want to be able to fight, you can take Brawling. But, for two points per level, you could take Martial Arts... Which next to no one does. And there's a lot of skills you're going to want to have to survive. Dodge, so you don't get shot. First Aid, so you can keep people alive. Stealth, so you can sneak past zombies. You get my point. Unlike every other resource, there's no way to get more skill points (at least from what I've seen). Which is very frustrating.

When it comes to combat and damage, things get kind of cool. Rather than having you roll 5d8, you roll 1d8 and multiply it by 5. Since the multipliers can change due to range or other factors, it makes it really easy to figure out damage in combat. Different types of weapons, like slashing weapons and bullets, do more damage to unarmored targets. If you want to make combat to go even faster, they give you the average damage done, so you don't even have to roll. In fact, the whole system can be done without dice, but it's not quite as fun. One thing I really like is how they did guns. Rather than giving you a list of guns that people would argue about, they just give you the type of gun and caliber of the round. From there, you can figure out the magazine size and anything else you might need. Nice and easy. Of course, everything besides the weapons are a little dated (cost and stats for a PDA, when was the last time you saw, much less used, one of those?) but still a decent list.

But, I think we all know where this system is going to shine: That's right, the zombies. While it's a little confusing at first, it's amazing once you figure it out. In addition to giving the zombies stats and skills, you can also figure out their weak spot, what the feed on (and how often they need it), how they make other zombies, and other cool powers. Spread throughout the books, there's a great amount of fun and unique powers. Things that make it so technology doesn't work around them, they can taint the ground when they die, they can even move their detached body parts. Using this system, you can make any zombies you've seen in fiction, from the fast and furious 28 Days Later zombies, to the classic Night Of The Living Dead slow and purposeful flesh eaters. And you can mix and match. You could make slow but smart zombies, fast and strong zombies, zombies that can track the living themselves and tear open cars to get to the delicious bits inside. You can also throw your players for a loop. Imagine your players taking careful aim at the zombie's head... And having it keep walking with its skull blown open because the weak spot is the spine. If they have one at all. The system can also handle weirder things, like vampires, be they like the Last Man On Earth type (the original I Am Legend movie with Vincent Price, a true classic of zombie and vampire cinema) or some real horrific monsters. Sparkly pretty boys need not apply. By fudging things a bit, you could probably make werewolves and aliens, too. In fact, one of the supplements, All Tomorrow's Zombies, includes rules for making playable alien races. Using the various books, the Zombie Master (a GM by any other name) and the players can have a lot of fun coming up with unique characters and monsters.

If you're worried about balance, you don't have to. As you add stats, skills, and other abilities, you add to the zombie's Power. The total power is roughly how powerful a zombie is. You total up the points for a Norm or Survivor, by adding together the same things (skills, stats, and Qualities), and see which one is higher. That's enough to figure out how many zombies you need to create a threat for the group.

When it comes to setting, AFMBE doesn't have one, it has tons. Deadworlds, as they're called, are plentiful. In the core book, there's six unique and interesting Deadworlds to choose from The first one is the standard Romero style zombies and outbreak. But, there's one during World War Two, another at the turn of the last millennium (the year 1000 AD), and another that's decades after the end of the world as we know it. Two of them are set as the world is ending, including a set of religious/divine zombies. The last one lets you play zombies. How's that for different? Each one of the supplements gives you even more Deadworlds to play with, as each one usually includes two or three more. That's not including the one that's nothing but Deadworlds. It's great for a pick-up game or for those of you who can't come up with a setting on your own. There's no shame in that...

Speaking of supplements, there's quite a lot of them. The ones I strongly recommend are One Of The Living and the Book of Archtypes (both one and two). These books add in so much more to the game and several rules you really want to have. One Of The Living helps you take the game from a “Beer and Pretzels” type game to a full campaign. It helps your players make better characters and helps the ZM think long-term about the game. Not only goes it give you the science of how a corpse decays, but how people react when under stress for long periods of time and start losing the things they need and want. It's something you don't see in a lot of RPGs. Mind you, you probably don't need stuff like that in most other games.

The other supplements boil down to “(Blank) but with Zombies!” Things like wrestling (which has some surprisingly in depth information about wrestling and some terrifying Deadworlds), Kung-Fu Action stuff (which caused the Shaolin Soccer Mom Archtype), a sci-fi setting book (that has a “Star Wars but with Zombies!” Deadworld), and one that is titled “Dungeons and Zombies.” Take a wild guess what that's about. The good news is that no matter what you're thinking about, there's probably a supplement and a Deadworld you can use.

When my gaming group is a player short, and we know in advance, I'll come up with something using AFMBE. Recently, I came up with an idea for zombies in Vietnam. I call it “Tet of the Undead” as the game takes place during the Tet Offensive. What's worse than Communist rebels in the jungles of Vietnam? Undead Communist rebels in the jungles...

I'm also using this system to develop a Silent Hill game. The rules are flexible enough to handle the bizarre and terrifying monsters, to give you mechanics for the effects of fear, and even rules for psychic powers.

Let's Review: ZOMBIES!!!

What is it?:

ZOMBIES!!! is a board game by Twilight Creations with a bunch of expansions and sequels and so on. The game is designed for 2-6 players, but I advise you to have as many as you can get. To call it a 'board game' is a bit of a misnomer as it's really a tile game. It requires a few d6s. They give you two in the box, but I strongly suggest getting one for each player.

Just keeping walking and pray she doesn't see you...

The setting:

The set-up for the game is pretty simple: You're a survivor trapped in a city full of zombies. There's a helicopter coming, but it's only got room for one... The expansions (that I have) just add more stuff, like a mall and an army base. If you want, you can limit the game to just those locations. I prefer to have more “fun”, and require using a ton of space, and add them in.

Welp, you're screwed...

The system:

Playing the game is pretty simple: Roll d6, move that many squares. Fight any and all zombies you enter the space of while moving. Collect things in the square you occupy. It's very similar to Munchkin, as in your goal is to kill things and screw over your friends. You can do that in a few ways. Each player draws three cards at the start of the game and refills their hand as they use them. Some of the cards allow you to get items if you're lucky enough to make it to the right location... Which is very hard. Otherwise, you can help yourself or screw over your friends with the cards, Make it so someone has a negative roll, that zombies can't be attacked, and etc. At the end of each turn, you roll a d6 and move that many zombies one square. Most people do this to clear their own way and block any and all other players. Tile placement can screw people, too, as you can block off paths and dead end them (pun not intended but fitting) or you can place a location that has a lot of zombies right in their path.

Winning the game boils down to two ways: Either reach the helicopter tile first or collect 25 zombies. If the helicopter tile can't be placed, I think we know what happens...

The game is very simple, which is both good and bad. The simplicity makes it easy to pick up, but it gets boring after playing it a few times. When you add in all of the cards from all of the expansions, you get a huge deck to draw from. Since you can spend things to keep rolling, and then people can use cards, some combats can last much longer. And if you get the wrong kind of people playing the game, they'll try to make it last as long as possible. The incessant screwing over also causes things to slow down, as there's a few cards that can fuck everyone over. If you get the right people playing, you can actually have a pretty fun time. Once everyone knows the rules and develop their strategies, it can play quickly and smoothly. Screwing over your friend to help you advance can be fun. Screwing them over just to be an asshole is probably going to be fun for just you.

Is it worth it?:

I bought this game years ago, before the 4^th expansion came out. Back then, it was a little cheaper. Now, it's about $30 for the core set and near $15 per expansion. If you buy more than one expansion, buy a Bag O' Zombies. Not only is it cool to buy a bag of little plastic zombies, but you'll probably need them. The Bag is about $13 for 100 or so. That might be a bit much for a game you're going to get bored of before too long. That said, if you can find it at a decent price and want a fun little Halloween party game, I'd say go for it. Otherwise, you might want to skip it as there's a ton of other zombie games out there.

Let's Review: FATE Core

What is it?:

FATE is a “multi-genre Story Telling” system. Meaning that's more than just “roleplaying” it's about telling a cooperative story between the GM and the players.

The setting:

There is no one setting for FATE. It has been used for the Dresden Files RPG and a few others. In the hardbound version of the game, the Core system, there's a few different settings mentioned. The rules are adaptable enough to be used for any setting you like.

My friend Phoenix and I have discussed using FATE to play RWBY, as the “Rule of Cool” reigns supreme in both FATE and RWBY.

If you by the Core book (which I did and strongly suggest you do, too), there's some sample rules and stuff for some settings. There's also a whole book of settings, FATE Worlds, which I've seen but haven't had a chance to look through. There's also a “Toolkit” book, too.

The system:

FATE uses a special set of dice, six sided, with a + on two sides, a – on another two, and two blank sides. You use these for your skills. Skills are interesting as they have a “Skill Pyramid.” At the top, you have +4, then two skills at +3, and then three at +2 and so on until you run out. You pick your skills from a list and can even make your own skills. Each skill has four different uses: Attack, Defend, Overcome an Obstacle, and Create an Advantage. Not every skill can actually attack and defend, but they do list them out. Some skills increase your “stress boxes” (more on those later) and each one comes with a list of Stunts. Stunts are special abilities that can give you a situational boost or allow you to use one skill in place of another. You get two Stunts for free and then have to start paying for more if you want them.

Before you pick skills, you have Aspects. Which I skipped because... I wasn't thinking. Anyway, Aspects. Each character gets a “High Concept” Aspect. This is the Aspect that defines your character. For example, if your character is a swordsman, you give him the High Concept of Master Swordsman To Be. Or, you can even add things to the setting with your Aspects. Instead of using Master Swordsman To Be, you could give him the Aspect of Student Of Green Dragon Blade Style. Now, you and the GM can sit down and develop what exactly the Green Dragon style is.

Once you get that High Concept down, you have to work on a Trouble for your character. While most Aspects should be a double-edged sword, meaning that they can be both positive and negative depending the situation, your Trouble should be negative. Perhaps our swordsman Likes To Drink? Or, A Tough Man To Like. Both are equally acceptable to me. You really need to talk not only with the GM but the other players as well during character creation.

Once you've settled on your High Concept and Trouble, you get three more Aspects to give your character. Have fun with it. Depending on how your group wants to make characters, you can come up with them on your own or you can work with the other players to have interrelated Aspects for the characters by referencing each other.

One final note about Aspects: EVERYTHING can have one. The campaign, the location you're in, and so on. You can also Invoke those Aspects like you would with your character. Some cost Fate Points (more on that later, I promise) but sometimes you can Invoke them for free. Aspects are important as you use them to justify a bonus on a Skill roll or to re-roll something. To continue with our swordsman character, he could take an Aspect like I'm Better When I'm Drunk and would Invoke it to gain a bonus to any roll, more likely a combat roll, after he's had a few rounds of booze. But, that can also work against him, as the GM can point out that he's Better When Drunk, making him try stupid stuff because he's liquored up.

When it comes to combat and interactions with NPCs, you can deal both physical and social wounds, called Stress Boxes. Unless you take some skills at high level, you're going to get only two for each type of damage. Beyond that, you have to start taking Consequences. Consequences are kind of like Aspects, but are bad and really screw you up for periods of time, with the worst levels taking longer to “heal up.”

So, what happens when you've taken all the Stress Boxes and Consequences your character has? You can Concede. Once you do that, the GM can't kill you, but you're going to lose... Something. That something is up to you and the GM (mostly the GM), but at least she can't kill your character outright. In fact, it's hard to kill a character in FATE. Which is both good and bad. If you're looking for gritty realism, this game probably isn't the one for you.

Now, let's talk about Fate Points. As you can imagine from the name, they're pretty important in the game. In fact, the term they use in the book itself is the Fate Point Economy. You gain Fate Points by accepting Compels based on your Aspects (including your Trouble) and spend them to power Stunts, Invoke Aspects, and can even add a plot point in the game. They're very powerful, but you're going to be gaining and losing them a lot. 

Is it worth it?:

In short: Hell Yes. For $5 plus the cost of the dice (unless you want to just use their quick and dirty conversion guide for d6s), you have a fun little game you can use if someone doesn't turn up for your game or you are bored with your gaming friends. Or you just need a change of pace. For $25, you can pick up the Core book, which is good if you're looking for something that's got more meat to it. Either way, the flexibility is great and it's fun if you have an imagination.

To give you an example of how easy and fun FATE Core is to play, and throw together a game, let me tell you about what happened awhile back in my gaming group. Due to some problems, we had finished our Pathfinder adventure early and the GM wasn't quite ready for the next one. Rather than force that game, I offered up FATE. In a few minutes, we agreed on a setting (SPACE TRUCKERS!!!! loosely based on the Firefly setting) and the group was developing characters on pieces of scratch paper and 3x5 cards. I wrote done some Aspects for the ship they were one, a few notes for the enemy ship they would encounter, and got rolling in less than an hour. And had another hour or two of play time before I ran out of steam. I thought I got my money's worth for that night of fun.

SpineSpur: Hack Dies At The End

Well, look at that, I'm playing SpineSpur again. Been a while... Too long a while since I've done that. But between losing the store I used to play at and slipping a disc in my back a few years ago, I haven't really had the place or energy to play the game, much less work on the minis. That's going to change pretty soon. Enough of my bullshit, time for the battlereport.

First off, there's no pictures because I didn't know if the game was actually going to happen and I didn't feel like stopping to snap them while we were playing.
It was another "teaching game," this time with my friend Phoenix and another member of my RPG group, Joe. The lists are some you're probably familiar with if you've read my battlereports before. That's not going to stop me from posting the lists again:

GOD: 100 points (Played by Phoenix)
Aniel
Warriors of GOD
Fists of GOD

Hack & Amy's Murder Party: 101 points (Played by Joe)
Hack
Amy Brighteyes
Thug: Molotov (x2)
Thug: Bludgeoning (x2)

Greygun's Angels: 100 (Played by your faithful author, Captain Pete)
Greygun
Dante Hayte
Booth
Thugs: Blades (x3)

Since we were doing a multiplayer game, we again went for the Kill The Head Scenario in the Shitlands, using my amazingly durable sewer board. To make things easy, I didn't bring any terrain and we just deployed in a corner. Phoenix won the deployment and set up his forces trying to face both myself and Joe. Joe deployed aggressively towards Phoenix, while I spread myself out a little bit to counter whoever came at me first, but was more focused on Hack. Because, you know, he's a murderous bastard...

First turn, Phoenix won the Round Controller roll, of course. Aniel's good for that. In fact, he won every single Round Controller roll he rolled. Phoenix quickly discovered that Hack was Very Bad News (everyone discovers this their first game) and started trying to stop him. Hack charged forward and was gunning for the boys in suits. Meanwhile, I started moving my forces towards Hack and Amy, ignoring the GOD forces.

As the game progressed, Phoenix started losing men as soon as Hack got close. When Joe was in the bathroom, we agreed to ignore each other until Hack was dead. While Hack was tied up with the GOD forces, my forces started making their way to the middle of the board. Booth used his Ghost ability first turn and got in a good spot when Amy appeared and was able to move up, shoot her, and then run around a corner. While GOD tried to hold the line, they weren't able to get off too many shots. With Hack's ability to move forward an inch after killing another model, he was able to advance time after time and keep the slaughter going. Plus, those Bleed Tokens he produces were causing a lot of trouble for GOD.

In the middle of the board, Greygun and the Thugs were engaging in a back and forth with Amy and the other Thugs. Greygun managed to survive both molotovs. The other Thugs weren't so lucky. Booth was doing his best to be sneaky and caught Amy from behind, blasting her with some buckshot. That lead to his downfall when she hit back with some spells and dropped him. Greygun was also able to shot her but, only once. Instead, Greygun had to keep fending off Thugs with his blade. Somehow, he managed to keep ticking.

The course of the game changed when Aniel dropped. Without a reason to keep going, Phoenix reneged on our agreement and tried to attack Dante with his last Fist. Dante, however, is made of some stern stuff and finished him before he could do too much damage. The only problem was that it slowed Dante down and Hack was able to get away, turning towards Greygun.

A turn later, there were no more GOD forces on the table and one Thug left. The herd had been thinned down to Hack, Amy, the one Thug, facing off against Greygun, while Dante raced to catch up... While waiting for Dante, Greygun was able to drop the Thug and  survive an attack from Amy, as Hack came charging forwards.

In the end, it all came down to one last roll: Hack was barreling down on Greygun and I won Round Controller. The first shot missed, the second shot did crap damage. One last shot.... And five damage. Finally, after more than a few games and so many tries, Hack was dead.

And I won the game.

In the end, it was a game of many firsts. I had (FINALLY) managed to win a game and kill Hack to boot. I had also acquired some tokens, so I had stuff to use for activated minis, Bleed and Burn Tokens, and even had a few other colors to use for other effects that might have popped up. It was also the smoothest game I've ever played. I think we all had a good time, even if I was pissed off my Phoenix screwing me over at the last minute. I get that it's SpineSpur and shit like that happens, but I was going to be very angry if I had my victory snatched from me at the very last second due to this fuckery.

Here's what the causalities looked like at the end of the game:

GOD: 5/5 models killed
Hack & Amy: 5/6 models killed
Greygun's Angels: 4/6 models killed

Victory for Greygun's Angels!


 I really liked playing this list again. I think I'm going to keep using it (provided I get another game in, which I'm working on), it was a lot of fun and was easier to keep track of compared to the Dark Faith lists I was playing. Phoenix admitted that he screwed up during deployment and not using Aniel's Tactician ability. But, he said he'd like to play again, so we'll see what happens. I hope to get in a few more games before too long.

And this gave me a push to start working on my minis again. Soon, the Hack & Amy list will become the Cerebeast & Amy list... As the Institution is "coming soon."

Blast From The Past: Big Eyes, Small Mouth

Because 'GARPS' sounded stupid...

Ah, the anime boom. You remember that one, back at the turn of the 21^st century, when anime was everywhere. Like many people, I was caught up in that wave. Of course, since I had been watching anime since I was a kid (without knowing what it was), it wasn't such a new thing to me. Now, role-playing in a anime setting, that was new...

A nickel for anyone who knows who this is

I remember very well when the first edition of this game was released. My friend showed me this slim, manga-sized, grey book that had some so-so anime style art on the cover. Inside, however, inside there was a very simple but very fun system designed around the troupes of anime. This first edition didn't even have skills, it was that simple. The core of the game was based around three stats (thus named the Tri-Stat system): Mind, Body, and Soul. Simple enough that you could translate ANY character to it from any setting. The stats were from 1-12, with higher being better. While not perfectly balanced, they did include a rule that if your character had 12 in all three stats, you ascended to become one with the universe. The stat were divided to create your Attack Combat Value, your Defensive Combat Value, your Health Points and your Energy Points. 

Ah, the old school books

Once you got finished with your basic stats, you could spend whatever points you had left over on Character Attributes. These Attributes varied from “fun and flavor” type things to stuff that would really help you out by boosting your combat abilities, your socializing stuff, and so on and so forth. These Attributes were rated one to six and cost points per level. Some allowed for synergy between them. For example, if you took Appearance at a high enough level, you would get some levels of Art of Distraction for free. As always, there were some Attributes that would clearly unbalance the game or make things hard for the GM, so whoever is running the game would have to keep a close eye on character creation.

You're Under Arrest is a viable campaign setting. Because it's awesome.

If you were running out of points for your character, you could get some points by taking Character Defects. Like Attributes, there were levels of Defects, but only two. The first level was usually the “flavor” level of Defects, not really having a mechanical effect on the game but allowing you to give you some stuff to play in the game.

Lina Inverse will cut you. With a sword made of nightmares.

One of the more interesting things in the game was the “Unique Character Attribute or Detect” they put in the game. Let's say you want you character to be able to do something, but it isn't covered by the Attributes or Defects the creators came up with. You could sit down with your GM and discuss what you wanted to do and work out a point cost per level. Pretty nifty, right?

I like the idea of little girls with guns and magic powers. I just want them in pants!

The creators of the game, Guardians of Order, started buying up some licenses for anime and made a few games based on popular anime. And some not-so-popular stuff. The first one, and the only one without any skills, was the Sailor Moon RPG and Resource book. It included stats for the main characters in the show, mentioned stuff from the later seasons, and included an episode guide for the series that had been released by DIC back in the day. Then, they expanded the system with some supplements. The first one was “Big Robots, Cool Starships” which gave us rules for cyborgs, robots, spaceships, and other stuff like that. While some of this was mentioned in the original book, it was cool to get some details you could use. Then came “Hot Rods and Gun Bunnies” which focused on the “modern action genre” of anime. It seems that the company went down two different paths: Genre guides and series guides. Most of what was released were things that had been finished, things like Dominion Tank Police and Tenchi Muyo. They also did Demon City Shinjuku, which was an odd choice in my opinion. Unlike the first few they did (Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo, and Tank Police), which were series that allowed for building a setting and characters you could explore, Shinjuku was a movie. And it wasn't even that long, either. Maybe in had a manga that explored things in more detail, but there's no mention of it in the RPG. It always felt weird to me. It had an interesting premise and the book is very well done, allowing for groups to explore the setting. After they did a bunch of their own settings, usually based on anime. Things like Cute And Fuzzy Cockfighting Seizure Monsters (bet you can't guess what that one is based on...) and Centauri Knights. Fun fact to know and tell: Guardians of Order managed to score the license for a Song Of Fire And Ice RPG. You might known it by another name: Game of Thrones. But, George R.R. Martin held on to the rights, so when the company folded (before the game was released I think), he was able to keep it under wraps.

This is the cover for the Dominion Tank Police RPG

Soon, things had gotten pretty big. If you wanted to make your own game, you had to buy the core book, then a supplement for the genre you wanted to use that. And then a second one if you wanted to mix and match them. So, the company did the logical thing, they released BESM 2^nd Edition. Then, 2^nd Edition Revised. And then 2^nd Edition Revised Revised. These later editions added in Skills. To make things interesting, everyone got a set number of skill points during character creation. And the cost of skills depended on what genre the game was set in. Skills felt like an unnecessary addition to the game, as they added a small bonus to the roll and they usually cost so much, characters would have only two or three skills. And almost exclusively based on combat skills.

Much like GURPS, it was starting to suffer from too many supplements and minor changes to make things more balanced. But, there were so many supplements by this point. Because, not only had they done the original expansions and the RPG and Source Guides, now they were releasing Ultimate Fan Guides, which detailed parts of series that were being released (and very popular) for new series being released by the major anime companies as part of the increasing boom.

I saw the first episode or two of this. It was a gender swapped Trigun.

And, then, there was 3^rd Edition BESM. Which was released right before the company went bust. From what I've seen, 3^rd Edition made drastic changes to the system (like another famous RPG system that I won't name right now...). But, it was too little, too late. I'm always checking up on RPG books are my local used book stores and occasionally check places like eBay, and I've never seen a copy of BESM 3^rd Edition. PDFs can be found, however.

The "gun toting terror in hot pants" herself.

So, there you have it, a bit of history for BESM, as well as the basics of the mechanics. To me, it comes as advertised. It's a light, simple system that's designed for people new to roleplaying and wanting to capture the essence of anime. It's a fun system for playing in various worlds you see on the screen. In addition to anime, the system can work for other types of animation or anything that doesn't need hyper realistic rules. That said, it suffers from its age. This was before the D20 System was anything more that a twinkle in Monty Cooke's eye. It's not well balanced and can be easily abused. In this day and age, there's a few other systems that can do the same thing and are better balanced or easier to use.

"In the name of the moon, I must punish you!" I know people who would enjoy that...

But, BESM will always have a place in my heart. Back in the day, before these new systems were around, you didn't have a lot of options. I remember, way back when, I would hang out with my friend (who was also into anime) and watch a show. While we were watching it, we'd discuss how we'd translate into the system, what stats and Attributes the characters we were watching should have. It was always fun to do. Those were the days.

A true classic. Leiji Mastumoto is a master.

Nostalgia aside, I still dig out my books and flip through them. If nothing else, it's something to get ideas from.

Previously on Pathfinder...

So, I have my gaming group, right? And recently we switched to *Pathfinder* which is a refined form of D&D 3.5. It's been fun so far, as we know most of the rules, even if it's been a few years since most of us have played.

Last night, we had an interesting time. Jay, who's running the game, filled us in on the details. Two kingdoms are having a war using undead. One is using traditional magic to make an undead army, while the other is using alchemy. The war has expanded out from there and is consuming everything around it. After our characters escaped jail, we joined up with a band of Orcs and others we have survived the war. After the explanation, I pointed out that we're playing "High Fantasy *Walking Dead*". There's tons of undead, not under the control of necromancers, wandering around and attacking whatever they come across. So, fun times.

We (the group) get sent on a mission to go check out a city that may or may not have fallen to one of the necromancer factions. While traveling, a thunderstorm starts to form, so we start looking for shelter. You see, the undead get agitated when storms roll around and there's more storms because the gods are pissed because of this whole "undead war" thing going on. So, it makes sense to wait indoors while the storm happens. As the rain starts to fall, we find an abandoned farm house and start poking around. Being the suspicious sort (which is how you stay alive when there's zombies and other terrible types of undead just prancing around the countryside), we look everywhere. Outside, we find a root cellar that's been barred with a shovel. I nope the fuck out. I'm not opening the door. But, we do bang on it. Inside, the other guys hear sounds coming from below. But, we're not detecting any undead. Soon, we hear a sound of something in one of the rooms, coming from under a stack of boxes. Now, I didn't sleep much before the game, so I'm done with this low-budget horror movie stuff. Plus, I'm playing a Barbarian. So, I knock over the boxes. Rats. Rats everywhere. Okay, not *everywhere*, but a half dozen nasty looking rats. We start fighting them and find out that they're acidic. Yeah... No. After the Rogue getting blinded and stunned, I toss him out of the room and bar the door. Then, we *burn the farmhouse to the ground*. Because that's how you solve problems in D&D. That, and we were done with that bullshit. Of course, that ended up forming a herd of zombies and stuff, ala *The Walking Dead*, so we made a quick exit.

As we're traveling, we come across some zombies. Since we're smart, we took some spells to keep us hidden from them. And these guys are pretty nasty looking. They have sores and ooze stuff and just don't seem like something we want to fight. Turns out that the city we're heading towards was kind of a big deal with alchemy and tanning and other stuff, so the river was horribly polluted. And it looks like whatever was in the water is now in the undead and living things. There's talk of trying to light the river on fire and burn down the city. Then shift through the ashes for loot.

After a while, we come across an over turned wagon. There's some big, burly, hairy thing digging in it. Turns out to be an owlbear. We take it down and find some minor goodies in the wagon. And the wagon itself is in good shape. So, score. We stash the wagon, as we don't have any horses, and start moving towards the city we're suppose to check out.

As we reach the city, it's deserted. Nobody home. The walls have been melted by.... Something. Not good. We enter the city and it's still empty. There's an "unusual amount of spider webs" everywhere. Yeah... That made me really suspicious. Plus, I *hate* spiders. We look around. Phoenix and myself (okay, our characters) going poking around a cobbler's shop and score some boots. There, we come across a "oddly green" spider. No bigger than normal, but weird looking. Then, it starts acting "aggressive". Nope. Nope-nope-nope. I don't want to kill it, because something tells me that there's a bigger, meaner spider out there somewhere, and I really don't want to fight an acidic spider. Thankfully, Phoenix has the brilliant idea to "daze" it. Keep in mind, this is a regular sized (size of a quarter) spider. Meanwhile, Joe and Frank hit up a cloth maker's place and grab some bolts of stuff. They see some spiders, but they run away from the guys. We meet in the middle. At this point, I'm ready to go. There is something really wrong here, probably involving spiders, so I'm nope-ing the fuck out of the situation. I get overruled, and we go looking for some horses. Because, you know, there's got to some of those alive, right? These guys aren't the brightest bulbs. After a bit of searching, we find an inn with some stables and go check them out. There's tons of cobwebs in the place... And a horse, a *full-grown, big-ass fucking HORSE* cocooned in spider webs. Like, just wrapped up in them. I literally turn around and walk out. Phoenix and Joe want to see what's inside because they cast Detect Magic and know there's a magic item under all that spider web. I say, *"Fuck that. I'm not helping you with this"* and stand outside. After a minute, I kick Frank's character into the room. Because, why not? Anyway. Phoenix starts cutting through the webbing. Little spiders start *pouring* out of it. He doesn't get the message and starts cutting more. Then, a bigger spider, maybe fist-sized, jumps out and explodes on his arm. Explodes into acid. He backs up and just burns the fuck out of this horse corpse. More fist-sized spiders jump out, but he's immune to acid, so he's good. Eventually, he burns it all and scores us a magic longbow. Then, shit gets real...
There's a rumble and a tidal wave of spiders. All different shapes and sizes, but all that wrong-looking green color. Just waves of them. On the street. On the sides of the buildings. And they're coming towards us. I think I shit my pants a little. I tell everyone that we're leaving. Now. They come out of the stables and I cue this song:

https://youtu.be/ZnHmskwqCCQ

So, we're running down the streets of an empty city, I have a Halfing Rogue in one arm and a Dwarven Cleric over my shoulder, running with a Tiefling Sorcerer, while a tide of acidic, exploding spiders comes sweeping towards us. And that song is playing.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to playing D&D...

After getting away from the spiders, we realize that they left the melting marks on the side of the city walls and we just check out. We throw our loot in the wagon and push the wagon back to the horde. We talk our way out of getting kicked out, plus, you know, we did bring a wagon and some other stuff. But, it was one of those weird nights...

We'll see what happens next month...

The Tale of Phil Calhoon

Let me tell you the tale of Phil Calhoon, the greatest lumberjack the Weird West has ever seen.

When I started my most recent game of Deadlands (classic), I decided to make myself a character. Not because I wanted to make a DMPC, but because I have never been a player in the game before and one of the players was interested in doing some switching off so we could both have a chance to play the game. So, I made Phil, the lumberjack. I got some lucky draws, so I could make him as strong as I wanted. Of course, the cost was that he couldn't be as smart as... Well, anyone else. He wasn't stupid but he wasn't the brightest bulb. When it came to his skills, I made him a melee monster, but not so good with people or shooting. I also thought about what sorts of skills a lumberjack would need. So, in addition to the fighting with his ax, I gave him a lot of brawling and even a steam-powered chainsaw. I also thought that lumberjacks have to clear stumps, right? So, he knew what he was doing with a stick of dynamite. When it came to the last details, I knew I wanted him big. I mean BIG. And I didn't want him to run away if he got scared. I also made sure he was a fairly nice guy, but wasn't willing to go wandering off in the dark after hearing a strange sound. There was more I wanted to do, but I didn't have the points.

Like I said, I do like doing DMPCs. There's a lot of reasons for that. First and foremost is what happens when a bad DM does it. The DMPC ends up overshadowing the players and it sucks for them. Another reason is because the game is about the players, so they should come first. But, I wanted to have my lumberjack in the wings and I thought it might help to give these guys some back-up they could trust. While most of the posse were experienced role players, none of them had experience with the system, so I thought it would be a good idea on all fronts.

I didn't foresee what would happen. I shouldn't have been afraid.

The campaign started on a train from Denver to the City O' Gloom (better known as Salt Lake City). I mixed Phil in with a bunch of other NPCs that were on the plane, but right away, the posse started hanging out with him. As the adventure went on, I showed that Phil was a decent guy but had some skeletons in his closet. I didn't even include him in the major part of the adventure, which was about chasing after some horrible monster in the woods, because that's for the players. Once the adventure concluded, Phil had somehow become part of the posse.

The next adventure was my chance to play Phil for real. One of the other players took over and ran a brief adventure in the town of Baracho. When the posse got to the town, there was a festival going on and Phil ended up having fun. He also dislocated the shoulder of Ming, the gentle, serene, and quiet Chinese martial artist. It was an accident and it wasn't nothing some liquor and whores couldn't cure.

After they left the town, they finally arrived in Salt Lake City. Since I was running the game again, and starting the Devil's Tower trilogy, I tried to make Phil disappear. When the train pulled in, he jumped off and tried to vanish into the crowd. Which was kind of hard for a almost seven foot tall hairy man with a beer gut. But, he did it. As the posse began the adventure, I had Phil have his own little adventure. He joined a game called Skullchucker. It's bloodsport that's kind of like football. But with steampunk cyborgs and more beatings. I put Phil there because I thought it was a fun idea and fitting for him. Add it gave the posse a time to shine. Of course, when they finally tracked down the Heart of Darkness, or so they thought, they asked Phil to help out. Because the character is blessed with the best die rolls, he did a lot of heavy lifting. He almost killed a Harrowed with a single swing of his ax. Oh, and he beheaded one zombie before the party really got started. With one swing.

Once they figured out that they had to go to Lost Angels in the Great Maze (the ruined California coast), they asked Phil to tag along. While I thought it was cool that Phil had been accepted by the group, I still worried about him overshadowing the posse. The dice loved this man. I can't even explain it.

After they arrived in LA, I had Phil fade into the background again. Like the first part of the trilogy, this was also a lot of investigative work, where Phil was, let's be honest, kind of useless. Which was fine, as I didn't have to lead the posse by the nose. I let them run around but they're surprisingly good at cutting through the bullshit and ingoring red herrings. Eventually, they met a man named Old Pete who could get them into Rock Island Prison so they could rescue a man named Jasper Stone.

While the posse went through the Rock, locating the key they needed without bringing down the guards, Phil watched their way out. They then asked him to help with getting Mr. Stone. He made sure they didn't do anything stupid and get the man they were there for. On the way back into Lost Angels, the posse was told that Good Ol' Reverend Grimme was about to do something terrible. And they took Phil along for the ride.

Since it was running late and I was tired (as were we all), I just narrated the scene of Grimme and the demons in the church. The posse asked what Phil was doing and how he was holding up. He was fine. Actually, he was really in his element, using his ax to cut down demons left and right and helping innocent folks. Once the demons were defeated, the posse made their way to a warehouse, where they found Old Pete waiting for them. And then Stone turned up and tried to take the Heart of Darkness from him... Only to find out that Old Pete was ALSO Stone! Again, I narrated as Stone and Stone left with the stone and they had to fight off some walkin' dead. They were 'saved' by some of Grimme's Avenging Angels and were hailed as heroes. But, they had lost.

Then, they ran into a woman named Jackie Wells who claimed to be from the future. And they didn't even blink at that. She told them that Stone had gone back in time and was looking to cause some trouble with the Heart of Darkness. Together, the posse, Phil, and Jackie got the Heart from Stone and made their way to the Devil's Tower deep in Souix territory. To get there, they had to take what amounted to one of the world's first passenger helicopter.

Because I thought it was funny, and it made sense to me, I said that Phil was afraid of heights and tied himself to the helicopter. I thought it was just going to be for comedy, but it solidified the term we have begun to use: Phil Ex Machina.

When they got close to the Tower, I unleashed two Devil Bats on them. It was suppose to be five, but I went easy on them because the Tower, the inside, wasn't going to be easy. And I got mixed up with the numbers. There were two young Bats and five full grown ones. I found that out later, but after what happened, I decided to fudge it. You see, these two Bats almost killed our newbie's character. And would have. If it hadn't been for Phil Calhoon.

During the fight, the posse managed to kill one of the Bats without too much trouble. The other one, however, damn near killed Ming, the master of the Chinese fighting arts. Ming got snatched by one of the Bats and carried away. But, Ming was a fighter and managed to turn the winged bastard back towards the helicopter. And then he failed. And started to fall. I didn't want to kill Ming. The player was still new and I didn't want the first character to die to be his. Anyone else, I would have been okay, as they were more experienced role players. Anyone but Ming. How could I save Ming? I didn't want to fudge things too much, but did debate about having the helicopter pilot make a move to save him. But that could have made things worse. I thought for a second, and remembered that Phil was tied down to the helicopter. And he was Loyal. So, I had him make a Guts check to overcome his fear to try. He made the roll. I then had him make a Nimbleness check to grab Ming. He passed. I had Ming make the same. He passed. Then, I had Ming make a second check, this time for Strength because he had to hang on to Phil and he could slip because of sudden change in direction. And Ming failed. I was scrambling at this point. We'd come so close. And there were exclamations when Ming had failed. So, I gave him one more chance. If Phil could make the Strength check, He could keep ahold of Ming. And he made it. I didn't fudge it. Phil saved Ming, just barely.

Then, the posse made their way into the Tower. Phil did okay, but failed another roll to hold up a big grate. And then stuck with the posse while they hid from the denizens of the Tower, who they started calling “Goblins”. In fact, they were Crossbreeds. Alien/Human Crossbreeds that had once ruled the world. This was their last stronghold. I had Phil and Jackie stay mum while they hid and then when they got ready for a gun fight. Against monsters with legitimate ray guns. I told them that if they wanted to fight, they would die. I flat out told them that because I let them make their poor choices, but didn't want to kill them all. So, they surrendered.

While they waited to be executed (after suffering terrible things), they made a deal with one of the Goblins. In exchange for wrecking another Goblin's shit, they could get their gear back and go free. So, they blew some shit up and started running. Well, really Phil blew shit up because he actually had the Demolitions skill and had the foresight to bring dynamite. Before they continued, he handed out some sticks and a few bundles of that dynamite, just in case. Because, I knew what was coming, but no one in the posse did.

They made their way to a room in the Tower that had a portal to the Hunting Grounds, which is where Jackie had wanted to go with the Heart. The portal was how she had gone back in time and she needed to go back to the future. And, by god, the posse was going to help her get there. They'd come this far and they weren't going to fail. Phil was with them, but he had his own plan.

They burst into the portal chamber, guns blazing. Then, they threw dynamite. And then things got worse for everybody. Stone was there. He'd been hiding by the portal, using his Harrowed powers, and when someone started throwing around explosives, he got a little bit ticked off. So, it became a giant clusterfuck. The Goblins versus the posse vs Stone. After a good bit of fighting, most of the Goblins were down, which just left Stone. Now, Stone is big wheel in the Deadlands universe. He works directly and knowingly for the Reckoners. Also Known As the major villains and the source of all evil in this world. In short, Stone is a Very Bad Man. So, Phil decided to make Stone duck for cover and help Jackie make it through the portal. I figured that Phil would throw a stick of dynamite and it would make Stone jump back and away from the portal, so Jackie could get through the portal and we could start wrapping things up. It was getting late and one of the posse had to leave, so I really wanted to get this done.

Phil throws the dynamite. And gets a success. He's aiming right for Stone, so it would land at his feet. I figure Stone's going to be okay. He has 10d12+12 for any stat. Or, really heavy plot armor. And then I roll for Stone...

Almost nothing but 1s.

Stone, the big bad and nasty servant of the Reckoners had just gone Bust. I couldn't believe my eyes. In Deadlands, going a majority of 1s is Going Bust. Which means “worst possible outcome.” What's the worst possible outcome for dodging a stick of dynamite?

I told the posse that Phil tossed the stick of dynamite right at Stone. It sailed through the air, fuse hissing and burning as it spun. Stone looked at the stick and started to shout... Only to have the stick land right in his open mouth...

He spat it out and started to jump away, but the fuse burned down. It exploded and Stone vanished in a ball of fire.

Of course he wasn't dead. He really couldn't be, since there were now two of the ornery bastard.

So, the smoke starts to clear and the machine around the portal was wrecked. Phil shouted at Jackie to run for it and jumped up to follow her while she ran. The rest of the posse laid down covering fire against the few remaining Goblins while Jackie hauled ass to the portal. She reached it and jumped through it.

Standing there at the portal, Phil turned to the posse. He made eye contact with Dr. Penwood and gave him a quick salute and a smile.

And jumped through the portal after Jackie...

That's the story of Phil Calhoon, the greatest character I never really played. Ming's player was devestated, as Phil had just saved his ass. He didn't understand why I had Phil jump through the portal. So, I had to explain.

First of all, I had decided that Phil and Jackie had started sleeping together on the road to the Tower. They'd kept it quiet because they were afraid of what the others might say. I thought about the characters and I concluded that Jackie would have grown to like the lovable lug that was Phil. In a primitive past, full of assholes and idiots and greedy sons of bitches, there was a good and honest man. Second, Phil wasn't all that smart. But, he was honest about it. He never tried to be anything more that what he was; a man who enjoyed cigars, dimenovels, and had a spirit of adventure. And going to the future would be the greatest adventure. That's the third thing, Phil left for the future because it would be greatest adventure he could ever have. So, he did it. Fourth, Phil was Loyal. And Jackie was quite possibly the only person who could really like Phil. She wouldn't want to change him. She wouldn't want to settle down and crank out kids right away. He wanted to lover her with all his heart, because he had never met a woman quite like her. And he had the heart of a loyal little puppy dog. Lately, the posse was starting to rely far too much on Phil. And he was stealing the show with his roles. When I needed him to, he rolled high. Even when I didn't want him to, he rolled high. He would start to over shadow the posse even if I was just playing. I mean, come on, he had saved one player from certain death with one lucky roll and had almost killed a major player in the game world with another. The man was tempting fate and winning too much. And he was a melee guy. Well, we already had Ming, so did we really need another bruiser? I didn't think so. Plus, when you have a phrase based on a DMPC, it's time for him to go.

And that's the end. For now. I originally planned to play him in the adventure we're playing now. The guy who's running the game now and myself have discussed bringing Phil back. The adventure has an evil tree in it. And, god damn it, I wanted to have a lumberjack taking down an evil tree! I might still bring him back. Right now, I'm playing Phil's older sister, Noona “Cookie” Calhoon, a former Pinkerton. She's small and feisty. I like her a lot, but I'll be damned if I don't miss Phil...

We'll see what happens. Maybe Phil will come back. They do call it the Weird West, after all..